Inviting ailments

To secure a scummy minimum-wage job in a café I'm not that bothered about, I had to fill out the most thorough form today. It was almost worrying how detailed and prying the questions were. These are some of the highlights:

Do you suffer from or have suffered from...

recurring stomach, digestive or bowel disorder?
Excuse me...that's a tad invasive.

High blood pressure?
This form is already giving me high blood pressure.

Mental ill-health?
Define mental ill-health...this may be what's prompting me to take this job.

HIV or related condition?
Who've you been talking to?

Do you suffer from any kind of sleep disorder?
I've just spent months writing a dissertation. What do you think?

Do you have any chronic chest complaints?
Yes, oversized breasts.

Do you have difficulty or restriction with cold, freezing or hot environments?
Why yes. I imagine most people have difficulty with FREEZING environments.

Have you ever taken drugs or any dangerous drug controlled under the Misuse of Drugs Act 1971 (incl. marijuana, cocaine, amphetamines, heroin, etc.)? If 'Yes', please describe.
Am I seriously meant to write: Oh yes, last weekend I smoked a little weed with a bunch of mates then we wandered down to this party by this guy's house and did a bag of coke together. Please hire me.

And then to top it off, there are NO mixed race categories in the ethnic background section. Absolutely shocking. I was tempted to write Black Caribbean but then I was even more tempted to tick all the boxes. In the end, it seemed most sensible to write 'Mixed Other' and next to it a note saying, 'Why is this not here? It should be.'

I don't understand the job market these days. It ain't like when I were young.